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MacTrump | Griselda Steiner | Scene4 Magazine | December 2016 |  www.scene4.com

A Playlet Spoof For The Trumpettes

Griselda Steiner

Three WITCHES, IVANKA (Trump's daughter with Ivana), TIFFANY (Trump's daughter with Marla Maples) and Melania (Trump's current wife) are dressed as glamorous witches in black gowns and witch hats. They are making a witches brew in a large cauldron over a fire in a dark wood.

 

WITCHES (together)

Fair is foul and foul is fair

We hover through the filthy air

Double, Double toil and trouble

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

 

WITCH IVANKA

Tiffany, your mother Marla took my father from my mother, Ivana.

 

WITCH TIFFANY

Ivanka, your father said it was OK to call you a piece of ass.

 

WITCH MELANIA

And I Melania, MacTrump was groping pussy while I was pregnant.

 

WITCHES (together)

PussyGate!

Round about the cauldron go

In the poisoned entrails throw in

MacTrump's insulted women.

Like a hell broth bubble and toil

Let MacTrump's sins boil.

Cool it with some menstrual blood

Then the charm is firm and good.

 

(They throw small dolls into the cauldron.)

 

WITCHES (together)

Pigs, slobs, disgusting animals, Michelle the Baby - Nasty Chelsea - Rude Crude Rosie - Ginsburg the Faker - Bimbo Megan - Ugly Midler - Cher the Loser - Piggy Machado.

 

WITCH TIFFANY

Pity no macho men came out to defend them.

 

WITCHES (together)

Wiccans now we curse MacTrump who treated us as broads he'd dump,

Hark I hear the Thane's approaching speedy steed!

 

WITCH MELANIA

He wants to know our predictions after the election.

 

WITCH IVANKA

Hark, now returns the Thane from his campaign.

 

WITCH TIFFANY

Although he didn't lose, his future fate is ours to choose.

 

(CLAP of THUNDER. Orange smoke rises from the cauldron. MACTRUMP enters.)

 

MACTRUMP (to himself)

Let darkness hide my wicked ambitions

The work the hand must do for the eye to see - is the Tweet.

I said I'd make America great again

A promise I made so I could win.

 

(to the WTICHES)

 

How now you secret midnight hags - what are you up to now?

 

WITCHES (together)

Oh noble MacTrump - come warm by the fire.

Let us know your desire.

 

MACTRUMP

You devils, fat asses, pale worms, bleeding from your eyes.

I call upon you in the name of your bigly art.

How 'er you come to know that I would be President. Answer me!

 

(SOUND of coughing. SUPER BITCH WITCH HECATE, HILARIOUS CLINTON comes flying onstage on her broomstick with mike at the end.)

 

WITCHES (together)

Greetings Hecate, Hilarious Clinton, Super Bitch Witch. You look angry.

 

HILARIOUS HECATE

Have I no reason as you are saucy and overbold.

How dare you traffic with MacTrump in politics!

 

(She bangs MACTRUMP on the head with her mike. He falls in a trance to his knees and tries to kiss her boots.)

 

MACTRUMP

Oh you hugely nagging hideous damsel

With your illegal email scandals.

Where have you been all my life?

 

(He tries to grope her.)

 

HILARIOUS HECATE

You called me crooked devil

My husband a pedophile

You wanted to lock me up

To make me shut up

You won the election that you fought

But your term will be cut short.

Go bully, spin and brag

Yet fear our women's rag.

 

MACTRUMP

How can I trust your words?

 

HILARIOUS HECATE

And who would trust yours?

 

WITCHES (together)

Only deplorable bores.

 

HILARIOUS HECATE

You will be President.

 

WITCH IVANKA

But can you recite the constitution by heart?

 

WITCH TIFFANY

Will you disclose your taxes?

 

WITCH MELANIA

Will you ask the Russians to stop hacking?

 

(They sing from the melody "I Don't Want To Be A Hero" by 'Johnny Hates Jazz' 1987.)

 

WITCH MELANIA

I will have to be first lady

But all I want is to be free,

 

WITCH IVANKA

I don't want to be a surrogate wife

All I want is my own fashion line.

 

WITCH TIFFANY

I don't want to be a political swinger

I just want to be a pop singer.

 

HILARIOUS HECATE

People were tired of my political correctness.

But you have made a media mess

And disgraced political debate

You will be President

Until Birnam wood comes to Dunsianne

Can you show remorse?

 

MACTRUMP

My Towers will be the White House!

I cut the trees to make a golf course!

 

WITCHES (together)

A new forest and trees will spell the end of thee!

 

MACTRUMP

I will make America great.

Your prophecies are a mistake.

 

(MACTRUMP crawls offstage. All the WITCHES cackle.)

 

WITCHES (together)

Oh, well done, all black spirits free the women in the cauldron

 

(Pink smoke rises from the cauldron.)

 

HILARIOUS HECATE

Our pains will have gains

And now about the cauldron sing

And free all unhappy women.

 

WITCHES (together)

Fair is foul and foul is fair

We hover through the filthy air

Double, Double toil and trouble

Fire burn and cauldron bubble. 

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Griselda Steiner is a poet, dramatist and a freelance writer and Senior Writer for Scene4.
Visit her website
For more of her poetry and articles, check the Archives.

©2016 Griselda Steiner
©2016 Publication Scene4 Magazine

 

 

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December 2016

Volume 17 Issue 7

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