The stage is set with a series of platforms at different levels. We begin in the dark with faint light high up in the background. There is the suggestion of a window with a piece of curtain moving easily in a breeze. A touch of music, soft drumbeats in the background. Then a moan, anxious and erotic. Another moan joined by a low humming voice. The dim outline of a couple appears. They are turning and rolling together in what appears to be a bed. Flashes of moist skin as they move through and around each other. Her moans linger, his hum becomes constant, louder.
SHE. Yes, yes, oh yes.
LOVER. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
SHE. Yes-yes, yes-yes, yes-yes!
LOVER. Mmmm, mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmmmm.
(Their sounds rise to a peak and stop suddenly as a door opens and a shaft of light cuts across the space. )
HUSBAND. I'm back early. I didn't think you'd be...
SHE. Oh my god!
(HUSBAND reaches for a lamp and turns it on, flooding the space with bright light. The two are stunned for a moment. Then they panic, frantically scrambling to cover their naked bodies, but unable to find a blanket or a sheet. SHE ends up holding his boxer shorts in front of her, stretching them in an effort to cover herself. LOVER can only find her bra, which he spreads between his legs like a jock strap. The three are frozen in amazement, unable to move.)
SHE. You're... back... early.
HUSBAND. I... am.
SHE. This is... my friend. And this... is my...
LOVER. I know.
SHE. ...husband!
LOVER & SHE. Oh my god!
HUSBAND. And she... is my...
LOVER. I know.
HUSBAND. ...wife!
LOVER & SHE. Oh my god!
(HUSBAND suddenly screams.
The other two join him in a chorus of screams.
They stop. HUSBAND begins to walk in a circle around the bed. )
HUSBAND. I'm trying, very hard, to be calm, to be reasonable.
LOVER. Please, don't kill me.
SHE. What?!
LOVER. Oh, sorry. Don't kill... us, please.
(HUSBAND stops pacing and stares at them. He begins to laugh, louder and louder. It's infectious, they laugh too, until all three are almost screaming again.)
HUSBAND. Stop!
(They do)
I can't think.
LOVER. (hesitantly) About what?
HUSBAND. I can't get a clear picture in my head.
LOVER. Be calm.
HUSBAND. I am. I just don't know what to say, I don't know what to do.
SHE. Don't say anything. Don't do anything. Just go back out and come in again. Everything will be all right.
(LOVER is shocked. He looks at her, then at him.)
SHE. Shhhh... just go.
(HUSBAND turns and leaves.)
LOVER. I don't believe it.
SHE. Don't say anything. Just get dressed... quick!
(They scramble looking for their clothes. She comes up with a couple of towels.)
LOVER. Why are you speaking with British accent?
She says...
