The Cumbersome Canyon Neighborhood Association

Les Marcott

Scene4 Magazine — inSight - perspectives on arts and media
writings: monologues

June 2012

Hi, Mr. Singleton…I'm Neal Nitpecker…president of The Cumbersome Canyon Neighborhood Association.  I'm sorry to say…this is not a social visit.  You must understand Mr. Singleton that if I show up at your door…it's not necessarily a good thing.  You see, it has been brought to my attention that you are in violation of several association bylaws.  For instance, you've installed burglar bars over your windows.  Ironically, burglar bars just invite all the undesirable elements into our neighborhood.  Furthermore, burglar bars decrease property values Mr. Singleton.  And anyway, we have a nice neighborhood patrol if anything should run amiss.  Also…while walking down your sidewalk, I felt obligated to measure the height of your grass. Now as members of the association, we should take extreme pride in our yards.  Your grass presently measures a full inch tall.  Mr. Singleton, as you have been made aware…the rules clearly state that grass should be no taller than half an inch tall.  Rule #9185, section C.  Please reread your handbook.  And then…there's that pesky problem of yellow spots in the yard. From my experience…that's a sure sign of dog urine.  And if there's dog urine…well, there's a dog.  And dogs don't run free.  Nope, not in this neighborhood.  Again, read your handbook Mr. Singleton.  It's our Bible.  It will help us to become a happy, unified, problem free community.  Well, I gotta run.  I need to visit another member who has a flag pole problem.  Just a little too tall.  Now …nothing against patriotism, but rules are rules.  It's the basis for a civil society.  There's no need to rock the boat.  Ta ta, Mr. Singleton.  I'll be checking back with you real soon.

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©2012 Les Marcott
©2012 Publication Scene4 Magazine

Les Marcott is a songwriter, musician, performer and a Senior Writer and columnist for Scene4. His latest book of monologues, stories and short plays, Character Flaws, is published by AviarPress.
For more of his commentary and articles, check the Archives
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June 2012

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