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Time In Tuscany

He: No! Listen to me... you are very beautiful... you make me very beautiful... and what we have done is invent ourselves, carve ourselves out of soft stone. Nothing will ever change that. The rules don't matter, the beliefs don't matter... it's like stepping off the edge of the planet into space. All there is... is you... and me. No more ending and starting over. But don't you see, whatever it is or was, it floated us together in the same place at the same time. We have to disconnect ourselves now. We can't go off with all of the threads unraveling behind us.
She: I don't care. I want distance... and time with you. I see me, in your eyes. And then I see you. We have the eyes, remember? From one eye to the other.
He: It's raining.
She: It's quiet out there. That big rolling Hudson River, all blue-gray and quiet. Look how it refuses to let the fog come in. It's strong. And I want to be strong, I don't want to be afraid.
He: Then we won't be.
She: No, we won't be.
He: Like magic?
She: Like magic! Please, my lover, protect us!
He: Please, my lover, protect us!


Time In Tuscany

She: Don't make it a nightmare again. You came in with the rain last night and flooded me with images I almost forgot. You stick your fingers into my brain and explode it. Now that the pieces are melting together again, you look like you want to run and hide, as if there's a crowd watching you.
He: What should I do?
She: I loved you!
He: I think we never grew up.
She: I think you've changed.
He: It's the old stinko.
She: And today it's dripping out of every crack in the wall. It oozes under the door.
Do you think I didn't let it rip at me, tear my guts out? Do you think sometimes I didn't feel ugly, deformed? These past few years, all of the people I've been with, lying on their skin, feeling them touch me, touching them, trying to be wet and alive. I thought.: I'll pay... almost forever. I can't have what I wasn't supposed to taste. If I bite through my tongue and my lips, the blood will pass, and the new blood will be fresh and clean. Because it wasn't true. Because you were you and I was you and they were just... all of the men in my life.
He: All of the women in my life. Remember the marvelous stories you used to read to me about courtly love. The knight and his lady. Each was married... to someone else. But what passed between them was considered pure, a pure passion. Because there were no other motives. They could never marry. Even if they ran off together. All they had was the touch between them.
She: Like us?
He: I don't know!
She: Is that us?
Or has it all come back in an ugly way... to make us sick... and twisted.
He: I don't know what we are. I don't ever want to hurt you again. I know I loved you, and you're alive, and I need to be alive with you. I don't care about the past or what's right or what's wrong. I don't care about other people and the miserable way they live with each other and the way they force us to chew on their misery. There's so little time, so little time.
She: I never left you...on that beach.
He: It was a poor place... so many stones, and all the duckweed.
She: The sun got very hot, almost too hot to swim.
He: There were little bright blue dragonflies.
She: Dragonflies.
HE: And you were naked.
SHE: And so were you.
HE: They want us to fall down and bow our heads. They want us to fall backwards and cluck our tongues, be part of their fear.
She: But we have a chance, don't we? We can run... inside each other, roll up inside and run... down all the dark alleys. Clear away all the shadows.
He: I'm really very afraid... frozen.
She: Inside of me you are my lover.
He: Inside of you I am your lover.


Etruscan Nights

There is a sadness that floats on the sea in the afternoon. It has always seemed that way to me. No matter how bright and warm, as the sun tires and drifts downward, a lingering stillness, quiet, a hesitation before the long fall into darkness. Even the horizon no longer shimmers; the dance of blue and yellow becomes a slow glide along the water's edge. Sounds blend. The salt-smells hang without any apparent change. Every thing is poised. A sadness... perhaps it's me... a loneliness as I sit on the cliff-rim rocks almost breathless. I feel... transparent. I feel... invisible.


Where Silence Has Lease

Along the land, the coastal land, as the summer ends, a new summer begins. The nights are colder, the sun is weaker, the sea is still warm. In the warmth of the afternoon, I walk along the grass-to-sand edge of the house, circling it, painting a fence around it with my body, protecting it. She is asleep inside, I am awake.

I remember this memory, this song I sang to her:
I called you, again and again, you didn't answer. I sent you one of those goddamned text messages, three of them, you didn't answer. I went to your door, rang the bell, banged on the door... you should have been there, if you were there you didn't answer, if you weren't, if you weren't where were you, where were you at 3am in the morning. Are you treating me to the torture you once scratched on my face the torture you said I rendered you with, silence in the face of emotion, no talk, no look, no response. Is that it, are you empowering yourself to render me.
Later, she came to my room and without a word went, sat in the shower. I sat with her. It never happened again.

I remember this memory, this song she sang to me:
Why when I shout at you, you look down. Why when I cry, your eyes are wet yet you don't cry. What I need, you need. When I need, you walk away. I've let you into my dark places, you say nothing. You let me into your dark places, I call out to you, you say nothing. Is it fear. Is it loss of self. Is it panic.
I offered to touch, to kiss, she refused it. Later I began to speak. The words poured like wine through a broken cork. She listened for hours. We were free.

For ten years we were lovers... an affair of the heart, I called it. No, you are a thief of hearts, she would say. And what are you, I would say, my victim? No, she would whisper, your loot.

For ten years we touched each other's skin, we slept together and bathed together. We stared into each other's eyes until our eyes went dark. We whispered our names in a thousand different phrases, in a hundred gestures, in echoes that flooded the memory with music. We went to places, walked along streets, lonely together because we couldn't share with other people. Afraid to share, afraid to lose a moment, because above all, our passion for each other glowed... green like sea fire, glimmering like a delicate, thin glass, floating on our fingertips, buoyant from our breath, waiting to shatter if either of us so much as looked away. We believed, I believed, that one day we would fall asleep together and never wake up. We would cross from white to black... no shades or colors in between... the most dangerous expense of life, this.

Then it came. Now she is asleep, falling deeper and deeper into dark sleep... and I am awake.

Grief, mourning, remorse, regret, the breath of pain... all of these are fences around a vast shadow of silence. Memory will fade. It lives only until I am no longer awake. The expense has been paid.

About Tuscany Nights

This page contains an archive of all entries posted to nightdances in the Tuscany Nights category. They are listed from oldest to newest.

Thai Nights is the previous category.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.